You want to make a change, great! But you’re afraid if you do you won’t be true to yourself?

Fear not my friend! You can make changes, even radical alterations to your personality, lifestyle or relationships, without compromising your core values. I wholeheartedly believe that change is usually for the better. Most people want to make changes because something isn’t working in their lives, they’re not achieving the results they’re looking for, they believe they’re capable of so much more than what they’re currently experiencing. If this describes you, you certainly aren’t alone, and I would like to speak directly to you for the next few minutes.

Forget What Other People Say

You’ve heard it said time and again: “Just be yourself!”; “It will all fall in place!”; “Follow your heart and everything will turn out for the best!” These are all really well-intentioned encouragements from the totally clueless. No, I’m not saying being yourself or following your heart is is bad thing. But if you don’t believe it…nay, live it in your soul, the very center of your being…then that advice is useless to you. And there’s no way you’re going to believe it when you have this nagging feeling like you’re doing things all wrong.

Take all of those pieces of advice and set them aside and ask yourself one simple question: Is something wrong with me?

I’m not trying to be harsh, but I get it. When things aren’t working out no matter how hard you try, you will inevitably begin to wonder if something is not quite right with you. Either that or you’ll start to question the sanity of the world at large. This is all perfectly natural in my opinion. Honestly, how can you help but wonder? Especially if you’ve been doing your best to follow the above advice to ‘just be yourself’ and it’s clearly not working out as planned.

You Must Be Right with Yourself FIRST

OK so here’s the catch-22 that no one handing out the usual advice bothers to tell you. For the relaxed, natural, be yourself style to work you have to be totally confident about who you are, what you want, the direction your life is heading, and have unquestioning faith in your ability to make the right decisions to get you there. BUT… in order to have that confidence from the get-go you would have to be some kind of superhuman!

Realistically, the only way you’re going to develop that kind of confidence is with some time, effort and evidence that who you are and what you’re doing are a) right, and b) working. If you’ve read this far then you can already be confident in at least one thing: You still believe! Yes, you believe in the value of changing yourself for the better so much that you’re reading an article about it. That’s the first step. Go ahead and feel it, it’s here…maybe a little buried, a little tarnished and beaten down, but it’s there…it’s called hope and it hasn’t forgotten about you!

Making a Change for the Right Reasons

Chances are that if you’re not making this change for the right reasons you either won’t commit to it and put in the effort required, or you’ll make the change but it won’t stick. So before we talk about practical steps, I urge you to take a long hard look at the motivations behind your desire. Don’t even think about trying to force a change for the wrong reasons, you’ll just end up hating yourself and resisting your own efforts.

1. Change for the Sake of Change

The first thing you want to consider is whether the proposed change is really necessary at all. Do you honestly believe it is in your best interests? Has someone else made this suggestion or did you come up with it on your own? Are you a change-junkie who can’t find any peace in where and who you currently are? I did say I believe change is usually for the better, but not all change. If you find yourself falling into the trap of believing that constant change is a necessity, please read my article Simplicity of Direction.

2. Change for Someone Else

Changing yourself for someone else might seem noble but really it’s not. Put simply anyone who demands that you change for them, is not your friend, period. Some may have your interests in mind when they suggest you change something about yourself, but anyone who tries to force their will on you, is only interested in themselves and what they might gain from the change in you. By the same token, if you’re trying to change yourself to impress someone or gain their approval, you will feel like a sell-out and receive no lasting benefit from the change.

3. Change for Yourself

The only person in the world that you can and should change for… is you. You have to truly believe in your inner self that this is the best thing for you, or you will just end up sabotaging yourself. The change must also be inline with your core values. I believe that people are inherently good and want to make positive change and I hope that is the reason you’ve read this far. If you want to improve your life and the lives of those around you and you truly believe the change you have in mind is going to help you become more effective in doing so, then you will be successful, and you’ll feel great about it when you’re done!

Ready, Set…CHANGE

Now that you have a solid foundation: A hope for something better. A little confidence that you’re moving in the right direction. And you want to change yourself for yourself. It’s time to make it happen, so…how do you do that?

Decide.

A little trite perhaps, but there it is. It’s really not complicated or difficult and there’s no need to make it so. All things begin with a decision, or a series of decisions. In this case you made your first decision to bring about this positive change when you clicked to read this article, then you made another decision to read all the way through, and now you’ve arrived at the most important decision.

Take Action!

The decision to take action and begin to make the change a reality is the final step. All you need to do now is continue to make that decision and take the necessary actions each and every day. I would love to give you more specific practical exercises but since ‘change’ is such a broad topic it’s hard to come up with a generic exercise that would fit all possible changes you might want to make.

With the exception of these two absolutely necessary steps: The Decision to make the change. And the Actions to make it a reality. Those are required no matter what change you want to bring about, and you can apply them across the board. I believe you already know in your heart what actions you need to take, trust yourself, and go make your life what you want it to be!